So you want to become a state hospital psychologist


	Alan Bodnar, Ph.D. is the Co-Director of Psychology Training at Westborough State Hospital, Mass. and a consultant in the field of leadership development.

By Alan Bodnar, Ph.D.

There are some things they don't teach in graduate school. You can learn theories and techniques of therapy, empirically based treatments, cognitive, projective and neuropsychological testing, but not how to respond to the random questions and statements you hear every day on the grounds of a state hospital. I don't claim to have figured out the best answers, but I thought it might be instructive to share some of the questions. Perhaps they can be organized in a self-test format where point values are assigned to different answers and the totals provide a measure of suitability for working as a psychologist in a state mental hospital. So sharpen a couple of number two pencils and get ready to choose the best response to the following real life situations. Afterwards, you can use the scoring guide and key to check your state hospital psychologist suitability index (SHPSI) or, as we say in the trade, your "Shipsee."

Please circle the number of the response you would make to the following questions or statements. Answer quickly because these questions or statements are typically made randomly and on the run when you are hurrying across campus to your next appointment.

1. Do you want to know what the twins do on the ceiling after midnight? a) Yes, b) No, c) Sounds confusing, d) Sounds like a bad dream.

2. Can Lent be over if I am still on restriction? a) Yes, b) No, c) Nothing is perfect, d) Life is both joy and sorrow.

3. You are my guru. a) Peace, b) Pleased to be of service, c) Thank you, d) Too busy being your psychologist.

4. You are the devil. a) Say nothing, keep walking b) No, I am (your name), c) Say nothing, smile and shake your head no, d) I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say to me bounces off, and sticks to you.

5. I am being discharged today as soon as the Governor comes to pick me up. a) Congratulations, b) Good luck, c) Say hello to the Governor for me, d) What's your backup plan?

All right, time is up. Now we'll move on to the scoring. For every "a" response, score 5 points. Score 5 points for every "b" response. Give yourself another 5 each time you chose "c." Finally, tally your "d" responses, assigning a value of 5 points to each "d" on your answer sheet. Hang on, we are almost done. Add the number of points you accumulated on each of the five questions. Got that? Now check your total against the following interpretive guide. If you scored 25, then you are well suited to be a psychologist in a state mental hospital. Anything less than 25 and you might want to consider another line of work or at least a different setting in which to use your psychological skills.

Preliminary results from limited field-testing show that a significant majority of psychologists taking this test have SHPSI's of 25. The only exceptions are generated by respondents who fail to provide any answer to one or more questions. The twenty-fives among us seem to be characterized by a willingness to engage others in social interaction regardless of the clarity, coherence, or logic of the questions or statements posed to them. Twenty-fives enjoy variety, are not easily surprised and not afraid to think on their feet. Individuals with similar profiles who are not psychologists are most often found in the ranks of the international intelligence community working as operatives for agencies like the CIA or MI-5.

The further one's score diverges from 25, the more likely is that individual to be precise, cautious and, in extreme cases, paralyzed by indecision. Under twenty-fives should not be discouraged from pursuing careers in psychology as long as they understand that they will have to work at increasing both their tolerance for ambiguity and willingness to take risks.

I have been happily employed as a state hospital psychologist for the past 17 years without the benefit of ever knowing my SHPSI. Now that my experience has given me the opportunity to develop this simple test, I have learned that, as a 25, I am well suited for my work. Of course, I suspected as much all along not only because I enjoy the variety and the challenge of having to repond to random greetings but, more importantly, because our work here is grounded in the spirit and reality of a genuine community. For every disjointed or illogical question posed for our immediate consideration, there are scores of thoughtful exchanges that continue discussions begun in the office and amplified in groups, team reviews, community meetings and casual encounters.

The hospital environment provides a context that enables us to know our patients in a variety of settings and to help them take the lessons of recovery back to their lives outside these walls. As a SHPSI 25, I am where I ought to be and, if anything changes, there's always the CIA. n Alan Bodnar, Ph.D. is the Co-Director of Psychology Training at Westborough State Hospital, Mass. and a consultant in the field of leadership development.

So you want to be a state hospital psychologist (May 2009 Issue)

By Alan Bodnar, Ph.D.

So you want to be a state hospital psychologist
(May 2009 Issue)